Every night we put our kids to bed by doing a little routine. It includes, individually, telling them a paraphrased version of some critical scriptures as well as a prayer. Instead of typing it all out, you can see what I mean here:
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When I was nine or ten years old, I built a fort out of tree limbs and debris. I leaned them up against the front of our house like some sort of natural shelter. I thought it was awesome. My dad, on the other hand, did not. It was an eye sore for the neighborhood, not something a home-owner wants to be known for.
He made me take it down, just as quick as it went up. In that moment he simple told me, “No, you can’t put this here.” But his “no” wasn’t forever. It also came with a promise.
HE ALSO TOLD ME, “YES, I WILL HELP YOU BUILD A REAL FORT.”
In my brain, that meant that day. But again, he said, “No, not now.” He was much too busy and I totally understand that. His office was at home and I was constantly trying to disrupt his workflow. He had tight deadlines and no guarantee of income. He had to work hard to keep the business and our family afloat. He continually, and gently, pushed me out of his office while he worked. Something I do now, everyday, with my own kids.
So his “no” was temporary. He would help me. But it would have to be on his time table.
Weeks went by, maybe even months and I continually asked him, “Can we build the fort today? Can we? Can we? Can we?” And eventually, after many attempts to get this project started, I almost gave up hope.
I needed someone to intercede on my behalf. Someone who also had the ear of my dad, someone who had a relationship with him that was all their own and could plead my case on my behalf.
I needed mom.
My mom marched into that office, after noticing my defeated plea, time and time again, she said, “You promised and you need to follow through.” And in that moment, the plan was birthed. My dad said, “Okay, this Saturday we’re going to start working on it.” I was thrilled. This was going to be fun.
Early that Saturday morning, we went to get the supplies: wood, nails, shingles, windows, hinges, siding, electrical boxes… this wasn’t what I was expecting. This was shaping up to be something far better!
We worked all day, several days, and by the end I had a majestic fort. It was beautiful. I don’t know the exact dimensions, but I think it was probably in the neighborhood of 100 sq ft, complete with electricity, bunkbeds and trap-door for entry. Basically a tiny house on stilts.
This was epic.
- If he hadn’t squashed my little fort dream…
- If he hadn’t promised me a new one…
- If I hadn’t persisted in that promise, continually asking for fulfillment…
- If my mom hadn’t interceded on my behalf…
- And if he wasn’t a man of his word…
…I WOULD OF BEEN STUCK WITH THAT LITTLE JUNKY FORT.
But that little junky fort was the prelude to something amazing.
YOUR EARLY UNDERSTANDING OF GOD IS TYPICALLY SHAPED BY THE BEHAVIOR OF YOUR FATHER.
If you had an absent father, a missing father, or a work-a-holic father… you tend to view God in the same light. And the same things can be true of your mother, but for whatever reason, dads tend to have a bigger impact on your impression of God than moms.
I AM GRATEFUL THAT MY DAD SHOWED ME THAT A FATHER CAN BE TRUSTED.
But at some point,every father, no matter how great, fails. They are not perfect. They say the wrong thing. Their busyness or frustration bubbles up into words that cut like a knife and can’t be unsaid. So, as we mature, we must realize, whatever good our fathers showed us was from God and whatever deficit they created in our hearts was not because of God, but prideful-sinful-human nature.
God can be trusted, no matter what.
If you have a father-wound, as we all do to some degree, I want to challenge you to let that go, to forgive. If you have been struggling with the idea of a perfect-heavenly father because of your experience with your earthly father… choose to trust. He can be trusted.
HE MAY BE SAYING “NO” TO YOUR JUNKY-FORT-DREAMS NOW, BUT HE’S GOT SOMETHING FAR BETTER IN MIND.
- Be patient.
- Keep asking.
- Don’t lose hope.
- Get someone else to intercede in prayer for you.
And believe this promise:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 NIV
In mid-July I spent a day with my family at Wild Water Adventure Park, or as you long-time Clovis people would say, Clovis Lakes. The park has changed a lot since I was a kid, but some things remain pretty much the same… like the big family tube ride, The Rapids.
This is the first time we’ve been, that my oldest, Josiah, was not only big enough to ride the big rides, but he actually wanted to try a few.
So I took him on The Rapids. First off, let me just say, carrying that gigantic raft up the hill by yourself is a tall order, but once I caught my breath and we got in the raft, I could see the excitement in Josiah’s eyes.
But have you ever done something that you thought looked really fun and then in the middle of it, you realized, it’s kind of terrifying too?
Well, that’s what happened for him. As we approached the drops, he realized he was going down backwards, and his face changed. His screams got louder and higher pitched. Now, of course, that made me laugh really hard because I knew he was going to be fine and that feeling when your stomach drops… that’s all part of the fun.
Do you ever feel like God is laughing when you think you need saving?
I don’t know if he ever does that, but if he does, maybe it’s because he knows exactly what’s ahead… and what’s ahead, past the fear, is absolute joy. And we can be sure that our best fatherhood or parenting moments are not even close to how great our Heavenly Father is. Just listen to what Jesus has to say about that:
“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” – Matthew 7:11 NIV
Now, if there’s one thing the scriptures teach us about joy, it’s that the most joyful people go through some of the hardest things before they find that joy.
Sometimes you’ve got to go through it, to get to it.
So what happened with Josiah? Well, like you might expect… after the screams, came the laughter and he went again with mom. Now, mom on the other hand, she said, “Those drops are a lot bigger than I remember!” 😂
I hope today, if you face any fear, you’ll be able to face it head on, knowing your heavenly father is right there with you. If you can do that, you’ll find the peace and joy that surpasses any earthly understanding.
Watch Josiah’s fear turn to joy in our family vlog at Wild Water Adventure Park.
This post first appeared on the Two Cities Church blog.
In December, my in-laws took us to Disneyland and California Adventure. It was the first time Eli had been and we had a blast and we spent an extra day at the parks after the rest of the family left. A couple of things to note:
- People don’t like to be on video, so I don’t take much video of people who aren’t me or my kids. Erica doesn’t like to be on video either, thought she values that I am preserving these memories in video-form.
- Erica felt horrible this whole trip, but she powered through like nobody I’ve ever seen do before. I mean, she was exhausted and in pain, the whole time, and when we got home she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with “walking pneumonia.” So… that’s just a side note.
- When Eli was dancing, there’s a good chunk of that in the video below, Erica said, “This is the best day of my life.” Even though she was in pain, she still found a great deal of joy in watching our kids create some life-long memories.
Enjoy the recap video…
Today marks the end of a significant part of our family story.
We have shut the door on an incredible season of personal and family growth. And we have opened a new chapter.
On July 3, 2017 we welcomed a little boy into our home as our foster son. Elijah came to us at just the right time. He hit the ground running, growing, learning, and yes, screaming too. And it’s been a big process adjusting to life with three kids and it’s been especially challenging because he came to us at 3-years-old.
Erica and I have always felt called to do for one what we wish we could do for all, through fostering to adopt or fos-adopt. Even before we were married we talked about adoption and always knew it was something we wanted to do down the road. We started seriously looking into it close to two and a half years ago when someone called us out of the blue asking if we would think about adopting their grand-daughter’s baby. That threw us for a loop and forced us to begin having conversations. We determined it wasn’t the right time or situation. But we began a process.
In that process, even before we welcome Elijah to our home, there were plenty of ups and downs. We were “submitted” for a lot of kids. But we were never chosen. We were praying fo the right child, at the right time, for the right reasons and God did not disappoint. When we were brought to a “disclosure” meeting with the county of Fresno department of social services, we were handed a huge redacted packet of Eli’s history. We asked questions and we were presented with all of the data. And then we had to leave and think and pray about it.
The next day our social worker called us and said, “So, what do you think?” All I could say was, “I’m running out of excuses. Let’s do it.” And I don’t regret any of it.
Today marks the end of that process.
Today, February 23, 2018, we went from fostering Elijah to welcoming him as our newest Foster. If you track with our social accounts, you’ve missed a lot of what’s been happening because we could only post certain things and we couldn’t show his face. But now, as Elijah James Foster, and our son, we can show his face.
I’d like to invite you to enjoy this montage video of some highlights from the last 7 and a half months.
Our experience with Elijah has revealed to me, even more, the depth of God’s love for us. I can’t wait to share some of those things with you. Stay tuned.
The following is from an Instagram/Facebook post my wife posted. It is a reflection of our heart and I am so proud to be married to this woman.
I have been putting this boy to bed for several months. He likes to hold my hand as he falls asleep, since the first night in our home. I couldn’t even count the number of those nights that he would fall asleep and I would look at his sweet face and sob asking God why. SO MANY WHYS! And wondering how I was going to let someone I love so much go.
A song called Take Courage has been playing in my heart and mind since we were in child search. Those nights I would have to really command myself to “take courage my heart. Stay steadfast my soul. He’s in the waiting. Hold on to your hope. Let your triumph unfold. HE’S NEVER FAILING!
Well a few weeks ago we experienced a major turn of events, and a true Christmas miracle for our family and I really saw how much God has been at work in our waiting. We found out that WE get to be this sweet boy’s FOREVER FAMILY.
Now when I put him to sleep I can look at this face with deep deep gratitude for what God has done and only He could have done.
I’ve been processing a lot in these past few weeks the very painful process of adoption for everyone involved…the foster parent who has to let the child go, the bio family who can’t care for the child, the adoptive parents who know that their joy comes out of lots of pain and brokenness, the child who has experienced more loss than any human should ever have to.
It would be an understatement to say that fostering and adoption have become so important to me and close to my heart. If you want to talk about getting more involved in this community, I would love to talk to you.
Thank you to all who have been praying for our family during this season.
In this episode, we go to the Fresno Chafee Zoo with 3 other families and we are completely outnumbered. Have you ever tried to herd 14 kids through a zoo? It’s a little crazy. Josiah’s favorite part was Sting-Ray Bay. It’s awesome because you can pet the sting-rays and some sharks too! We’ll be back next week, since we bought a family pass, to shoot a video for a school project. Enjoy and don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more regular updates.
This year, Easter was a little crazier than usual. We put on our 3rd annual community-wide FREE BBQ and Easter Egg Hunt at Dry Creek Park in Clovis, CA and people showed up in droves. The first year, it was basically for Two Cities Church. The second year we were able to invite a couple of hundred people to participate with us, but this year… this year was a different ball game. This year well over 800 people, maybe even 1000, came out to the hunt and it clarified for us that this event is for the community and not at all for our church. So next year, we’ll have that mindset as we enter into it.
Our kids walked away from that hunt with ZERO eggs, because it wasn’t about us. So we had a little hunt at a family gathering and then a third at our friend’s house. Here’s a short video highlighting all three from our Go.Do Youtube Vlog. Subscribe to the YouTube channel for more regular videos.